Why we make ourselves feel like shit
We use the term “self-sabotage” a lot in the therapy world. Therapists are referring to when you set yourself up to do things like: push a loved one away, use drugs, spend the day watching Netflix when it is 75 degrees and beautiful outside, drink until you’re hungover all day, overeating. Basically, the times when we make ourselves feel like shit. I always ask people to tell me about the part of them that wants to feel like shit. “Well I don’t!” they say. “I don’t know what I was thinking/doing. I just wanted to escape/be alone/not deal/have fun.” But the truth is, very rarely do we “not know.” It’s just that there are parts of us that are less conscious, and are wanting something or are scared of something that we maybe can’t admit to ourselves. So then I push them to explore with me, “What happens when you feel like shit?” and here are the kinds of things we tend to come up with:
When I feel like shit:
I’m no longer scared of the possibility feeling like shit
I’m no longer scared of another person’s power to make me feel like shit
I now have the opportunity to undo this shit feeling since I was the one who created it in the first place. And the undoing usually feels good (That high we get from “starting fresh,” “making up,” or “purging”)
I was once running a process group in which this topic came up, and the group came up with this idea of a new superhero called Trash Man. Trash man’s superpower was to make himself/herself feel like utter trash, and whenever he did this, he was untouchable. We all talked about the images we had in our heads of Trash Man – covered in garbage, wearing it proudly, like armor. Once Trash Man makes himself feel like trash – telling himself how worthless and unlovable he is – then he is safe. If no one loves him, fine! He’s already decided that’s true. If he fucks up at work, no problem! He already thinks he’s a fuck-up. It’s quite amazing how self-sabotage and feelings of self-worthlessness are actually quite self-protective isn’t it?
